Saying Goodbye
by ElfishWelfare
Summary: AU: One-shot based on Sirius' life at home, and the day he left for James' house


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter**

Sirius Black felt his life was going around in circles, as if he wasn't making any progress whatsoever. He always felt that way when he made his way back to Grimmauld Place for every summer and Christmas holiday. Sirius was probably the most confident person of the infamous Marauders, however, as soon as he stepped foot inside the house he grew up in, instantly his confidence disappeared. He was no longer cool, calm and collected. The house was a war zone, and he was the number one enemy.

"-Disgusting is what I think it is." Walburga Black was on a never ending tirade of anger and abuse. Sirius sometime wondered if she lived only for holidays, just so she could let go of all the pent up anger from the school year. "Filth, absolute filth. Friends with those blood-traitors. Better than your own flesh and blood, are they?" Walburga raised a brow, careful not to slosh her goblet of wine down her front.

Sirius made no response. There was no need. Sure, when he was younger, more foolish, he took to yelling back. But now that he was sixteen, and nearly an adult in the wizarding world, he felt silence was the best option in this position. Nothing satisfied him more than reminding himself that this woman he called his mother was the disgusting one, was the one who should be referred to as filth, and Sirius was glad he was nothing like them, _any_ of them.

He glanced to his left where two other people sat around the dinner table. Dinner at Grimmauld Place was quite a formal affair, Walburga did all of the talking, only with Regulus adding a word or two in response to his mother's questions about school. Regulus, fourteen years old, and the youngest of the Blacks was, in Sirius' opinion, much more susceptible to the drivel that spewed from Mrs Black's mouth. He nodded, and agreed, shooting the occasional apologetic glance to his older brother. He never once, however, stood up for him, but why would he? Self-preservation was one of the main traits of Slytherin house, and Regulus, was definitely a Slytherin.

Sirius idly wondered why he always got the brunt of every hateful speach, he was not the only Gryffindor sitting at the table, and he was certainly not the only Black in this room to be friendly with muggle-borns. Sirius quickly shot a look to the girl who was sitting directly in-between him and Regulus. Her blonde hair was tied back in a tight bun, so unlike her everyday appearance at Hogwarts. Not one hair fell out of place. It was all held together nicely by a beautiful gold lion hair clasp, with rubies for eyes. Sirius sniffed audibly as he caught sight of the clasp. When the Black's darling, only daughter was sorted into Gryffindor, the disappointment was evident. Mrs Black was silent for days, weeks even, if Sirius could remember correctly, and when she did finally owl her daughter, it was short and devoid of any emotion, positive or negative. Mr Black, on the other hand, after only five days of silence, sent her that beautiful hair clasp, with no note, nothing, it just held the tone of, "You disappointed us, but it's not your fault, your older brother led you astray."

Capella Black could only be so lucky to be led astray by Sirius. If he hadn't spent so much time with her, swayed her opinions on muggles and muggle-borns, where would she be now? In Slytherin, hanging around with Snivellus more likely. Not that she made too much of an effort to stay clear of him in the first place. For some reason the slimy git was friends with his sister. Friends may have been a bit strong of a word, they chatted occasionally, mostly fuelled by Lily Evans. Sirius clenched his fist around his fork at the very thought of it. Snivellus... What a slimy bastard. He was in love with Evans, _that_ much Sirius knew for sure, and just to help him continually keep his dirty secret from his future Death Eater friends, he used Capella as a way of communicating with her. Capella must not have caught on to Snivellus' intentions, neither had Evans. Sirius thought it was rather sad that, that slimy greaseball and two nice girls involved in such intricate lies, well, his sister was nice, Sirius wasn't quite so sure about Evans. Evans may have been good looking, but she rejected Prong's too much to be considered _nice_.

"-Ashamed of what you've done to this family." Mrs Black was rambling on, now clutching her heart. What a _liar_ , that woman doesn't even have a heart, Sirius thought savagely. "You come back from Hogwarts, forcing all your absurd ideas into Capella's head. And now look at her!" Mrs Black scoffed loudly and downed the last of her wine. She slammed her empty goblet on the tablet with a large bang, causing Kreacher the house-elf to jump in fright. "Where dwell the brave at heart." She said mockingly, eyes locked dangerously on her eldest son, while Capella desperately forced herself to keep her head to her plate. "Fools. The lot of them."

Sirius was used to this. He didn't even bat an eyelid. He knew he was a failure, he knew he was useless, well, in the eyes of Walburga at least. He made sure he just kept out of her way for most of the holidays. Out of sight, out of mind, though sometimes, when Sirius was passing her bedroom to use the loo, he could hear her ranting about him to his father, Orion. Perhaps she felt that Orion hadn't been tough enough on Sirius, leading him to make bad choices in his school career. Though, his father never seemed to make a comment about his Gryffindor mistake, or much else for that matter. He always took a back seat, allowing Walburga to yell, and often use magic. Sirius had a distinct impression that he didn't give a toss that two of his children had ended up in Gryffindor. He may have been disappointed, but he didn't dwell on it, and he certainly didn't see it as sign of things to come. To him, only blood-purity mattered, and as long as they both married into good respectable families, why on earth would it matter what house they were in at school?

Even so, with only Mrs Black torturing him on a daily basis, it was enough to nearly make sixteen year old Sirius Black snap. He stayed mostly in his room, away from any drama that might be started by his mother. Occasionally coming out to see Regulus, or Capella. Both were so enthusiastic about things, about things that meant nothing to Sirius. But he smiled, and he nodded, and he feigned as much interest as he could muster. Regulus had called him to his room to have a look at a book he had bought in Hogsmeade last visit. As both boys were in separate houses, it was difficult for them to make contact with each other. Regulus like to pretend he was too good for Sirius, which Sirius understood fully. Avery and Mulciber had definitely been on Reg's case lately for trying to maintain a relationship with an _obvious_ blood traitor. Sirius on the other hand, he knew James would look at him strangely if he tried to head over to the Slytherin table for lunch. Though, even if Sirius could ignore James' incredulous looks, they couldn't talk like normal people. That wasn't the type of relationship they had.

Sirius leaned casually in the doorway, looking at his brother with a scowl. He didn't _have_ to look so angry, after all, Regulus had invited him in. Sirius saw it was pity. Everyone always looked at him with pity. He was sick of it, so he continued to scowl. Maybe if he continued to look angry, maybe people wouldn't look at him with those sad eyes.

"Here, Sirius! See this!" Regulus held up the book in front of him, as Sirius narrowed his eyes to read the cover.

"Ancient Dark Magick." Sirius continued to frown as he made his way forward and sat down on the edge of the bed, ready to jump up at any second. "What do you want with _that_?"

"Avery promised it was a good read-"

"Don't be daft Reg. What do you want with it?" He asked again, a brow arched.

"Well... I figured I'd be needing the protection. And anyway, it's not about _using_ it, it's about _understanding_ it."

"Protection!" Sirius scoffed. "You need to stay away from those mates of yours. They'll get you killed."

"I could say the same for you." Regulus replied coolly. "So what, I want to have some spells handy if they ever go too far-"

"Look at them Regulus, they've already gone too far."

Regulus inched forward a little, dropping the book on the bed between them. "Sirius, I'm not saying you can't talk to those friends of yours anymore. But, just think of it logically! It's only drawing attention to yourself. I know you think Mother is off her rocker, I _know_ Mother is off her rocker, but she has a point. If you could be more like me, choose to associate publicly with people that won't get you in trouble later. You've even dragged Capella into your mess!"

Sirius shot up from the bed instantly. "Don't you give me that crap. Don't you _dare_." He kept his voice low, so it wouldn't travel to any of the other rooms. "Capella is the only one in this house who can see sense!"

Both brothers stared at each other. The stupid book long forgotten. Both were stubborn, and both believed they were in the right. Sirius _did_ understand where Regulus was coming from, of course he did. Regulus was scared. He wanted safety, and he went to who he believed could provide it. Sirius needed protection too. He knew, as a Black, he had a giant bullseye on his head. The only difference between both brothers was who they believed could offer the most safety. This was what Sirius couldn't understand about his brother. How could he not see that Dumbledore was the most powerful wizard _ever_? How could he completely disregard that just because their parents had fed them many cock and bull stories about muggle-borns stealing magic? Was Regulus _honestly_ that stupid?

Encounters with his younger brother always left his heart beating fast. It was the fear. He was _afraid_ for his brother. Terrified even. If only Regulus would see some sense... Sirius wiped the palms of his hands on his muggle jeans. He was sweating profusely from his argument. He was angry, he was annoyed, he was upset. Mrs Black never made him feel like a useless, failure, despite her multiple attempts, it was Regulus, _Regulus_ always made him feel so utterly useless.

"Sirius! Look what Daddy had made for me!" Capella jumped from the doorway of her bedroom out to the hall, just as Sirius was passing by. He was momentarily stunned by the over zealous yell, but didn't let it show. He put on his trademark Sirius smirk and followed her into her bedroom. It was probably the most inviting room in the house. The walls were painted a pale pink, in contrast with the dull brown that covered the walls in every other room. She had an ivory carpet, littered with copies of Witch Weekly. Her wardrobe and dresser were all painted white. They were adorned with jewellery boxes, make up cases and hair brushes. Brightly coloured cloaks hung in the corner on a golden cloak stand. The only indication that this room connected in any other way to the rest of the house was the fact it was covered in ugly paintings of their ancestors. The most prominent being the portrait of Phineas Nigellus. The old man stared haughtily down at Sirius as he entered the room, but made no comment.

"Look!" Capella said again. "See what Daddy had made for me when I was away last term!"

Sirius looked. Of course, he had a new cloak made for her extensive collection. It was a deep, velvet green, laced with a platinum thread. Very Slytherin, but Capella didn't seem to notice. It was probably one of her more expensive cloaks, and would no doubt be useful for the winter. The hood had a very rich, white fur around the edges. It was wonderful, it was perfect for Capella, her style was always so elaborate.

"It was very nice of him, wasn't it?" Capella pressed, as she continued to hold up the fancy cloak.

"Yes, he's a delight, that man." Sirius said sarcastically, not bothering to reach a hand out to touch what would probably be the softest velvet he ever felt. A new emotion was surging through him right now.

His younger sister giggled, not noticing is obvious discomfort. "Don't be so bad. It was nice of him!"

Sirius nodded, staring blankly at the cloak, waiting for Capella to put it away, but she just continued talking.

"He isn't _so_ mean. You know it's only Mother. Daddy never says horrible things."

Sirius shrugged this time. That much was true. But that didn't mean he had to tolerate Orion Black anymore than he did Walburga. His heart tightened in his chest, as he stared sourly at the beautiful cloak. Capella turned and began to fix her new gift on to a hanger to stow away in her wardrobe. It was then that Sirius caught sight of the glinting ruby eyes on the back of her head. Her gold lion clasp. Sirius sniffed loudly.

"I'm going back to bed."

"Siri, it's only seven. I wanted you to take me out on the brooms."

"What's the point? You can barely hover over the ground. You always start to panic."

Capella looked crestfallen at her brothers words. Sirius instantly felt a pang of regret, but he didn't utter a word. "Oh... Right, well, I thought I nearly had it there. James was showing me some tricks-"

"What does _that_ mean?" Sirius asked sharply. His best friend, and his sister. This was news to him.

"Well, you _refuse_ to help me. So I just asked. I mean, I invited Lily along. I thought it would be good for her to see him doing something nice for a change. I think she was actually impressed with his patience. You know me on a broom, I'm useless."

"Oh..." Sirius dropped his accusatory tone, at hearing her say she was useless. He hated that. He didn't mean to make _her_ feel like that. He knew what it was like. "Sorry... I just thought-"

"James is the _last_ one of your friends I'd go for... Well, second last. I don't see myself enjoying Peter's company at all. He doesn't seem to like flying all that much."

Sirius' eyes widened in shock at what he had just heard. Capella wasn't looking now, she was finally stowing her cloak away in between some Hogwarts robes. She didn't turn around until she heard Sirius speak after a moment or two of silence.

"Wait... Don't you have a boyfriend already?"

"Well... Yea... Kind of." Capella shrugged, turning back to her wardrobe, she began looking through her old clothes. She had so many cloaks, and sets of robes, that there was more than likely something hidden in that wardrobe that she had never even worn.

"Aren't you a bit young for a boyfriend?"

"Sirius, I'm only a year younger than you."

"You're not planning on going out with Moony, are you?"

Capella swung her head around so quickly, Sirius was sure he had heard a crack. She looked incredulously at him. " _What_?"

"You said Wormy was last, Prong's was second last, so Moony must be first."

Capella stared at him, her mouth open. "No...I... I mean." She began uncertainly, opening and closing her mouth as she struggled to find the words. "No, Sirius, I mean... I was only joking. Sure, Remus is good looking. But he's your best friend. That would just be mean." Capella turned back to her wardrobe once more, bending down low to have a look at her shoes. If she had been just a bit quicker, Sirius may have missed the way her cheeks tinged pink. "You know, I was thinking of giving some of my shoes away to that second hand shop in Diagon Alley. I _never_ wear half of these." She added quickly.

Capella continued to root through her wardrobe, as Sirius sat tentatively on her bed. It was nice. Being in this room. It made Sirius feel at home, that he had family, that, most importantly, he wasn't alone. His sister was most definitely the person he was closest to. She looked up to him, she loved him. Regulus was the same, of course, but where Regulus and Capella differed in their opinions towards Sirius was, Capella actually _believed_ Sirius had the right idea. Sirius had effectively taught his sister that there was more to life than blood-purity, status, money. He had taught her that her friendships were far more important. Her loyalty to those around her. Her ability to be fair and just to everyone. He had taught her the basics from an early age when they would play with the local muggles, Regulus would be uncertain, run home to inform their parents, but Capella, she took to it so quickly. She caught on so well that not long after, it was Capella who advised Sirius. He would always go to her when he was in the midst of a moral dilemma. She had such amazing, perfect answers, that Sirius often wondered why the sorting hat hadn't placed her in Hufflepuff, where she evidently truly belonged. Capella had forced the Marauders to see the error of their ways when it came to Severus Snape, she had done such a good job, that Evans even started chatting with them at lunch.

"More brainwashing, I see?" The cruel, harsh voice cut through the peaceful atmosphere like a knife. Sirius jumped up from the bed, now on alert for the upcoming attack. "Capella doesn't need you filling her with that garbage."

"Mother, Sirius and I were just talking about my new winter cloak." Capella said in a quiet voice, that broke Sirius' heart. When it concerned Walburga, Sirius thought his sister was _too_ nice. She needed to grow a back-bone.

"I'm _sure_... Right..." Mrs Black looked around the room in disdain, eyes fixing on the one lonely Gryffindor scarf that hung above the bed. Besides the pink and white, red and gold was the only other colour to appear in this bedroom. "I'm _sick_ of you Sirius. You're an abomination of my flesh!"

Sirius would have laughed at such a statement if it wasn't for the menacing way she gripped her wand in her hand. Something was coming, he just _knew_. As she took a few more steps into the room, he could smell wine off her breath. She had continued drinking after dinner. She usually did that, and if Sirius was in the house, he would definitely get it.

"I was just talking with Capella." Sirius stated, a little more firmly than his sister.

"Liar!" The curse was quick and sharp, and Sirius didn't even see it coming. His mother rarely used magic in an unprovoked attack. He didn't have time to defend himself, he didn't even have time to prepare himself for the pain that coursed through his body with the use of an unforgivable. His knees gave way much too quickly and he fell to the floor, writhing in pain. He was screaming, he _never_ screamed, but he was doing it now. He wondered when the pain would stop, and he was just about to plead, aloud for the pain to go away, when Ms Black ceased, as if in shock.

Capella was screaming, she was crying. Sirius wouldn't turn to look at her. He got shakily to his feet, as if he was just getting up from a nap. He wouldn't look over, he couldn't.

"Mother... Mother, _please._ " She said it with slightly more conviction than the last time. It wasn't good enough though.

Mrs Black seemed to recover from the shock, as her daughter spoke to her. She shook her head resolutely. "No. This ends here. I did not have three children just so two of them could make a mockery of our entire family. And I mean you too, Capella." She wagged her wand at Capella, as the girl flinched in fear, half expecting to be next.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Sirius roared. His mother said she was sick of this? Well, he was sick of this too! He would no longer remain silent. His mother was certainly right, this would end here.

"It's all because of _you_." Mrs Black spat vehemently at her son. "You did this to her. You brainwashed her to believe all those stupid things. She knows no better. _You_ ruined us, you brought shame on us. You _embarrassed_ us." Her eyes flashed in anger, instantly she brandished her wand at Sirius, muttering the same curse. Again, he wasn't ready, stupidly his wand was still in his pocket. But the pain, he was prepared for the pain.

"Mother, _please_." He could hear Capella yell, but it was no use. Words couldn't convince a woman like Walburga, you had to use force, you had to use your power, and unfortunately, Capella lacked both.

"Shame of my flesh! Friends with muggles and half-bloods and _scum_." The curse lifted once Mrs Black stopped speaking, Sirius lay panting on the ground. He was sure he would pass out, any second, he had to move, he had to go. This was too much.

"Bombarda Maxima!" Mrs Black aimed her wand angrily in the direction of Capella's wardrobe. The loud bang caused Capella to jump forward towards Sirius and take shelter under his arm. Bit's of wardrobe flew everywhere, causing a mess. Cloaks and robes ripped apart, flying across the room. Sirius narrowly avoided being hit in the eye with a once expensive looking high-heel. However, everything was now burnt, broken and sooty looking. After the explosion all that could be heard was Mrs Black's heavy panting. Her wand still pointed where the wardrobe used to stand.

"Be lucky it was just your clothes." Mrs Black said in a haughty voice, as she tried to control her breathing. "It's about time someone taught you both a lesson. You _filth_ , you _scum_ , you _TRAITORS_!" Her voice got louder and louder with each word, and Sirius knew that this could be heard throughout the house. Regulus could hear, but he wouldn't set a foot inside to defend them.

Sirius jumped up, despite his sudden weakness, and drew his wand, pointing it at his mother.

"You wouldn't _dare_."

"Expelliarmus!"

"Crucio!"

Once again, Mrs Black's curse found it's way to Sirius. He couldn't stand a chance, especially in this mental state. All he saw was red. Pure anger coursed through his veins. He could not think rationally. All he wanted to do was hurt her, they way she hurt him. Capella was screaming... Screaming... She wouldn't _stop_. Sirius gritted his teeth through the pain, thinking someone had to do _something_ about this.

He got up once more, his head pounding, his breathing was heavy and uneven, he had to get her, he just had to. He couldn't let her get away with this every year. He was vaguely aware of Capella crying directly behind him. She held her head in her hands, her hair had fallen from her bun and her gold lion clasp was somewhere on the floor.

"Levicorpus!" Sirius tried to speak clearly, his head was throbbing where he must have hit the bed post when he went under the cruciatus the first time. A trickle down the side of his face told him he was bleeding. He needed to end it, finally.

Mrs Black lost grip of her wand as she was levitated upside down, she shrieked with rage. Unsure of what had even happened. "Let me down you foul, disgusting-"

"Stupefy!"

Instantly the room fell silent. Mrs Black was swinging serenely above them. As if going for an upside down nap was a usual occurrence. Capella lifted her head slowly at the sound of silence, and glanced up. Sirius was standing before their mother, a steely expression on his face.

"Siri, let her down." Capella whispered worriedly. "She'll be so mad, let her down."

"No. Let her stay there." Sirius said stonily.

"Please, Sirius. I'm scared-"

"You want me to let her down? You _saw_ what she did." Sirius, suddenly, and without any warning, grabbed Capella's arm, he dragged her off the ground where she lay and hurried out into the hallway. The house was silent, Regulus was clearly under the impression Walburga was the one out and about, not his brother and sister.

"Accio." A bag raced towards them. Sirius was no fool. He always had a bag packed, ready to go if things got ugly.

"What's happening?" Capella whispered, her tear stained face fraught with worry.

"We're going."

Capella instantly began to pull her grip from Sirius. "I _can't_."

Sirius however, he didn't pay any attention. He had to get her to safety. He dragged her down the stairs and out the front door. It was raining heavily and neither had a cloak. "C'mon, we'll take the Knight Bus. We'll go to James' house or something."

"No, I have to stay!"

"Why!" Sirius asked in an exasperated tone. Capella was finally free of Sirius' grip she stood on the steps leading to Grimmauld Place, looking down at her brother who was at the bottom. He was already drenched, though the large cut on his temple was still evident.

"I'll fix you up, let's get back in."

"Why are you staying? Why the _fuck_ are you staying, Ella?"

There was a pause, and Sirius knew what the answer would be. Capella was nice, of course, she was the peace keeper, she was the glue that held Sirius and Regulus together. She was the only reason they had maintained their relationship to this day. It may have been a sad excuse of a relationship, but even so. They were still connected, by their sister who loved them both.

"I promised Daddy I'd get married when I left school. If I leave, they'll burn me off the tapestry! They'll burn you too!" Capella said this as if it was some sort of threat. Sirius' heart sank, she was so terrified of being known as a blood-traitor. She would rather live a quiet lie. _They_ had brainwashed _her_.

"So what? They'll disown me. I'd love that."

"But Daddy made all the arrangements, I don't want to upset him! Just come back, we'll sort it out together!"

Sirius shook his head, sending her a dangerous glare. He could barely see her through the rain, but he was sure she was crying, again. "Don't do what they tell you, just to stay on their good side. Do what you want for a change! Okay? Don't be like Regulus!"

"Sirius... This is more serious than what you think. You... You-Know-Who is out there again. You heard-"

"Yes! All the more reason to go! We need to start fighting. Screw these people!" Sirius said desperately. He wasn't going to lose his sister. He couldn't lose his sister. He had to convince her.

"If we turn our backs on Daddy he won't be able to keep us safe from You-Know-Who. Regulus gets it, why can't you?"

"So the two of you have these little chats about me, do you? Reckon I'm crazy, do you?"

"No... Of course not-"

"Suit yourself. Enjoy your wedding then." Sirius turned his back on her. He could hear her yelling, but she didn't take a step off the path. She wouldn't follow him. She was too scared. It wasn't her fault she was scared. No, it wasn't her fault she was scared. Sirius kept repeating it to himself. He had to. He was torn between anger and guilt. His sister wouldn't follow him... He left his sister to fend for herself.

He flung his wand hand out, and almost instantly, the Knight Bus appeared. He took one look at the conductor who was eyeing him strangely. Obviously, he had a large wound on his temple, and probably looked as pale as his sister right now. He took one more glance back to the house, but it was nowhere in sight, it had vanished, along with his sister.

It wasn't her fault, she was scared.

He climbed on board, taking a seat by the window, he looked at number eleven, and he looked at number thirteen. She couldn't be scared. She had went back in. Sirius felt a pang of guilt as he realised, she went back in, to face whatever damage he had done alone. She wasn't scared. She was terribly brave. _He_ was the one who was running away... But he had to. He definitely couldn't take it anymore. Maybe she was stronger than he gave her credit for.


End file.
